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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Good News For Greedy Happy Gluttons! New Hamburger Grill Opens Up In Arizona!

There is a new hamburger grill that has recently opened up in Tempe Arizona, an excellent fast-food restaurant where all of us greedy happy gluttons will really enjoy hanging out as our big bellies hang down! It is called THE HEART ATTACK GRILL!

The picture above depicts how enormously obese I hope to become some day. Presently I'm 57 years old, 5 feet 6 inches tall, and I only weigh 400 pounds, which is still way too skinny for me. I want to get really HUGE! At THE HEART ATTACK GRILL, they do NOT serve diet drinks, they only server regular Coke or regular Pepsi, but no diet sodas. Their French Fries are deep-fried in plane old fashion LARD, and their hamburgers have tomato slices, red onion slices, dill pickle slices, lots of cheese, but ABSOLUTELY NO LETTUCE! They only make hamburgers and fries, nothing else, just hamburgers and fries and dessert. Here are their specialties.

Don't forget the side order of FLATLINER FRIES!

And don't forget to order dessert!

And the HEART ATTACK GRILL also has a very extra special bargain for us super super gluttons who have broken that magic 350 pound barrier!

WOW! You can't beat a deal like that!

They also sell extra, extra, extra, large T Shirts. But nothing smaller than a size 3XL!

Well, I'm not exactly "Macho" because I'm actually an obese sissy-boy, but even we timid and docile sissified super obese little wimps need to wear shirts in the more "Macho" sizes because we are such fat-ass lazy gluttons!

Lets face it! Most of us gluttons who weigh 400 pounds or more are great big sissies! We're great big fat cry-babies, especially when we are hungry and can't get enough to eat! But we can get so huge that we have to wear shirts and pants in the great big "Macho" sizes. Of course, I'm merely speaking for myself, anyway.

I hope they eventually come out with extra extra large shorts. I would like to get a pair of bright red shorts! Right now I need a size 6XL in shorts. I also think they should have sizes up to 12XL in both shirts and shorts.

The largest size I have ever seen in the BIG AND TALL or CASUAL MALE XL, or many other big men's clothing stores was up to a size 12XL.

Here I have created MY OWN CLOTHING SIZE CHART for us super super supper gluttons who hope someday to weight a ton or more!

Please click on the image above to see a much larger and easier to read view.

This chart, which I have created, shows sizes up to 56XL for a waist size of 264 inches! I kind of doubt if anyone will ever make clothing this large, but it would be nice if THE HEART ATTACK GRILL would feature shorts and shirt sizes up to a size 12XL at the very least, instead of just an 8XL. Now that would really be nice!

Also, bring the whole family, because it's fun for kids!

Ah yes! Remember candy cigarettes? Just like we had when we were kids! Those were great times! Weren't they? Also, NO FILTER CIGARETTES, good ol' Lucky Strike as we had back in the day! Ah, the memories!

Here is more information on THE HEART ATTACK GRILL.


The Heart Attack Grill is a hospital themed restaurant in Chandler Arizona, which has become internationally famous for embracing and promoting an unhealthy diet of incredibly large hamburgers. Customers are referred to as "patients," orders as "prescriptions," and the waitresses as "nurses."

The menu includes the Single Bypass Burger, Double Bypass Burger, Triple Bypass Burger, and the Quadruple Bypass Burger, ranging from half a pound to two pounds of beef. Also on the menu are "Flatliner Fries" (cooked in pure lard), no filter cigarettes, hard liquor, beer, and full sugar coke.

The menu names imply coronary artery bypass surgery, and refer to the danger of developing atherosclerosis from the food's high proportion of saturated fat and excessive caloric content. The Quadruple Bypass Burger has been quoted at around 8,000 calories!

One the restaurants most celebrated (and widely publicized) gimmicks is the free wheelchair service provided to those "patients" who successfully finish the Triple or Quadruple Bypass Burger. Amidst a flurry of photography from tourist bystanders, the "patients" are pushed in a wheelchair out to their cars by the nurse of their choice.

Founded in December of 2005 by Dr. Jon, a non AMA recognized physician. He has been glorified as the freedom fighting arch enemy of political correctness by some, and demonized as a charlatan "nutritional pornographer" by others. Dr. Jon can be found each day, at the griddle, actually flipping hamburgers in his white doctor's lab coat and stethoscope.

The restaurant has found itself in a continual state of self defense against various activist groups and branches of state government. Most notable was a very public threat of closure from the Arizona Attorney General's in late 2006.

The controversy hit a crescendo when Dr. Jon was arrested after having attempted to open a live fire hose on a group of picketing nurses. Rush Limbaugh, Geraldo Rivera, and major networks from over sixty countries went live with the story, in a non-stop media frenzy that lasted for months on end.

A compromise was finally reached when Dr. Jon put a disclaimer on his website stating, "The use of the word 'nurse' above is only intended as a parody. None of the women pictured on our website actually have any medical training, nor do they attempt to provide any real medical services. It should be made clear that the Heart Attack Grill and all its employees do not offer any therapeutic treatments".

Despite the obvious animosity between the Heart Attack Grill, and various Nursing Associations, Dr. Jon has always taken time in each and every television interview to point out that we are absolutely in the midst of a severe global nurse shortage. "It's a real crisis!" says Dr. Jon, "Each one of us has a duty to help. I view my part, is to draw attention to the problem by playing the role of the villain".

One may question whether Dr. Jon's kind words are sincere, considering the underlying motive that everyone can plainly see... money! No matter which side of the debate the general public finds itself, one thing is certain, upon visiting Arizona they all seem to make the pilgrimage for a burger and fries at what is perhaps the worlds most politically incorrect restaurant!

The future of the restaurant, according to Dr. Jon, lies in its ability to successfully transition into a diet center. With sights set firmly upon competing head to head with established weight loss giants such as Jenny Craig, Nutri-System, and Weight Watchers, he pays little attention to nay saying critics.

According to Dr. Jon, "The new Heart Attack Grill Diet Centers will offer the American public something that no other program has ever been able to do... a diet program that you actually enjoy and can stick with for a lifetime!" He did though, conveniently fail to mention just how long the "lifetime" of the clients might be.

Dr. Jon's most recent fitness book, the Heart Attack Grill Diet, which teaches readers how to "Eat, Drink, and Smoke their way to Better Health", has not been well received due to its actual advocating of cigarettes, hard liquor, and fornication with girls of a barely legal age.


Well, there you have it!

The Doctor (chef) is there to examine and weigh the patients (costumers) and fill their prescriptions (food orders) and the nurses (Waitresses) are there to assist the patients, the customers.

For all of us super gluttons who have finished eating the Triple or the Quadruple Bypass Burgers, the nurse will assist you by taking you back out to your car in a wheelchair.

And for those of us happy gluttons who are super super obese, well, we can't possibly ask for better service that that! Eh?

As mentioned earlier "The future of the restaurant, according to Dr. Jon, lies in its ability to successfully transition into a diet center" But this "Diet Canter" is obviously NOT a center for weight loss diets, but specifically, a Diet Center for WEIGHT GAIN DIETS!

Now, that is a diet that should be really easy for me to stay on for life! That's one diet I will never give up on!

So, what more can I say?

Anyway, I truly would love to become as huge and the fat boy depicted in the next picture below.

Justify FullWhat I hope to become some day!

Now this would be really cool!!!


Stop pedophiles BOYCOTT AMAZON!