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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Good News For Greedy Happy Gluttons! New Hamburger Grill Opens Up In Arizona!

There is a new hamburger grill that has recently opened up in Tempe Arizona, an excellent fast-food restaurant where all of us greedy happy gluttons will really enjoy hanging out as our big bellies hang down! It is called THE HEART ATTACK GRILL!

The picture above depicts how enormously obese I hope to become some day. Presently I'm 57 years old, 5 feet 6 inches tall, and I only weigh 400 pounds, which is still way too skinny for me. I want to get really HUGE! At THE HEART ATTACK GRILL, they do NOT serve diet drinks, they only server regular Coke or regular Pepsi, but no diet sodas. Their French Fries are deep-fried in plane old fashion LARD, and their hamburgers have tomato slices, red onion slices, dill pickle slices, lots of cheese, but ABSOLUTELY NO LETTUCE! They only make hamburgers and fries, nothing else, just hamburgers and fries and dessert. Here are their specialties.

Don't forget the side order of FLATLINER FRIES!

And don't forget to order dessert!

And the HEART ATTACK GRILL also has a very extra special bargain for us super super gluttons who have broken that magic 350 pound barrier!

WOW! You can't beat a deal like that!

They also sell extra, extra, extra, large T Shirts. But nothing smaller than a size 3XL!

Well, I'm not exactly "Macho" because I'm actually an obese sissy-boy, but even we timid and docile sissified super obese little wimps need to wear shirts in the more "Macho" sizes because we are such fat-ass lazy gluttons!

Lets face it! Most of us gluttons who weigh 400 pounds or more are great big sissies! We're great big fat cry-babies, especially when we are hungry and can't get enough to eat! But we can get so huge that we have to wear shirts and pants in the great big "Macho" sizes. Of course, I'm merely speaking for myself, anyway.

I hope they eventually come out with extra extra large shorts. I would like to get a pair of bright red shorts! Right now I need a size 6XL in shorts. I also think they should have sizes up to 12XL in both shirts and shorts.

The largest size I have ever seen in the BIG AND TALL or CASUAL MALE XL, or many other big men's clothing stores was up to a size 12XL.

Here I have created MY OWN CLOTHING SIZE CHART for us super super supper gluttons who hope someday to weight a ton or more!

Please click on the image above to see a much larger and easier to read view.

This chart, which I have created, shows sizes up to 56XL for a waist size of 264 inches! I kind of doubt if anyone will ever make clothing this large, but it would be nice if THE HEART ATTACK GRILL would feature shorts and shirt sizes up to a size 12XL at the very least, instead of just an 8XL. Now that would really be nice!

Also, bring the whole family, because it's fun for kids!

Ah yes! Remember candy cigarettes? Just like we had when we were kids! Those were great times! Weren't they? Also, NO FILTER CIGARETTES, good ol' Lucky Strike as we had back in the day! Ah, the memories!

Here is more information on THE HEART ATTACK GRILL.


The Heart Attack Grill is a hospital themed restaurant in Chandler Arizona, which has become internationally famous for embracing and promoting an unhealthy diet of incredibly large hamburgers. Customers are referred to as "patients," orders as "prescriptions," and the waitresses as "nurses."

The menu includes the Single Bypass Burger, Double Bypass Burger, Triple Bypass Burger, and the Quadruple Bypass Burger, ranging from half a pound to two pounds of beef. Also on the menu are "Flatliner Fries" (cooked in pure lard), no filter cigarettes, hard liquor, beer, and full sugar coke.

The menu names imply coronary artery bypass surgery, and refer to the danger of developing atherosclerosis from the food's high proportion of saturated fat and excessive caloric content. The Quadruple Bypass Burger has been quoted at around 8,000 calories!

One the restaurants most celebrated (and widely publicized) gimmicks is the free wheelchair service provided to those "patients" who successfully finish the Triple or Quadruple Bypass Burger. Amidst a flurry of photography from tourist bystanders, the "patients" are pushed in a wheelchair out to their cars by the nurse of their choice.

Founded in December of 2005 by Dr. Jon, a non AMA recognized physician. He has been glorified as the freedom fighting arch enemy of political correctness by some, and demonized as a charlatan "nutritional pornographer" by others. Dr. Jon can be found each day, at the griddle, actually flipping hamburgers in his white doctor's lab coat and stethoscope.

The restaurant has found itself in a continual state of self defense against various activist groups and branches of state government. Most notable was a very public threat of closure from the Arizona Attorney General's in late 2006.

The controversy hit a crescendo when Dr. Jon was arrested after having attempted to open a live fire hose on a group of picketing nurses. Rush Limbaugh, Geraldo Rivera, and major networks from over sixty countries went live with the story, in a non-stop media frenzy that lasted for months on end.

A compromise was finally reached when Dr. Jon put a disclaimer on his website stating, "The use of the word 'nurse' above is only intended as a parody. None of the women pictured on our website actually have any medical training, nor do they attempt to provide any real medical services. It should be made clear that the Heart Attack Grill and all its employees do not offer any therapeutic treatments".

Despite the obvious animosity between the Heart Attack Grill, and various Nursing Associations, Dr. Jon has always taken time in each and every television interview to point out that we are absolutely in the midst of a severe global nurse shortage. "It's a real crisis!" says Dr. Jon, "Each one of us has a duty to help. I view my part, is to draw attention to the problem by playing the role of the villain".

One may question whether Dr. Jon's kind words are sincere, considering the underlying motive that everyone can plainly see... money! No matter which side of the debate the general public finds itself, one thing is certain, upon visiting Arizona they all seem to make the pilgrimage for a burger and fries at what is perhaps the worlds most politically incorrect restaurant!

The future of the restaurant, according to Dr. Jon, lies in its ability to successfully transition into a diet center. With sights set firmly upon competing head to head with established weight loss giants such as Jenny Craig, Nutri-System, and Weight Watchers, he pays little attention to nay saying critics.

According to Dr. Jon, "The new Heart Attack Grill Diet Centers will offer the American public something that no other program has ever been able to do... a diet program that you actually enjoy and can stick with for a lifetime!" He did though, conveniently fail to mention just how long the "lifetime" of the clients might be.

Dr. Jon's most recent fitness book, the Heart Attack Grill Diet, which teaches readers how to "Eat, Drink, and Smoke their way to Better Health", has not been well received due to its actual advocating of cigarettes, hard liquor, and fornication with girls of a barely legal age.


Well, there you have it!

The Doctor (chef) is there to examine and weigh the patients (costumers) and fill their prescriptions (food orders) and the nurses (Waitresses) are there to assist the patients, the customers.

For all of us super gluttons who have finished eating the Triple or the Quadruple Bypass Burgers, the nurse will assist you by taking you back out to your car in a wheelchair.

And for those of us happy gluttons who are super super obese, well, we can't possibly ask for better service that that! Eh?

As mentioned earlier "The future of the restaurant, according to Dr. Jon, lies in its ability to successfully transition into a diet center" But this "Diet Canter" is obviously NOT a center for weight loss diets, but specifically, a Diet Center for WEIGHT GAIN DIETS!

Now, that is a diet that should be really easy for me to stay on for life! That's one diet I will never give up on!

So, what more can I say?

Anyway, I truly would love to become as huge and the fat boy depicted in the next picture below.

Justify FullWhat I hope to become some day!

Now this would be really cool!!!


Stop pedophiles BOYCOTT AMAZON!


Teddy Bear said...

I hope everybody come here to check out THE HEART ATTACK GRILL!

Fat Bastard said...

Teddy, you beat me to it! I was going to post an article saluting the Heart Attack Grill. Did you know they sell franchises?

I love the picture of you with the sexy hot nurses. I bet you would be a BIG hit there. You should be their spokesman. You are the quintessential Heart Attack Grill customer.

How many Quadruple Bypass Burgers do you think you can polish off? I used to eat at a place called The Stuffed Shirt. They made a 3 ft long submarine sandwich called the Shirt Stuffer. I once ate 2 and downed a gallon of sweet tea. I was truly stuffed.

I loved that place. The owner was a fat ass and so were most of the customers.

You are a true greedy glutton my friend and your salute to the Heart Attack Grill is truly inspiring!

Teddy Bear said...

Thank you very much Fat Bastard!

I'm sorry that I beat you to it! I don't wish to compete, but rather, that our two blogs work together to promote gluttony and super obesity, with your Bigger Fatter Blog at:


I found out about the Heart Attack Grill over at BellyBuilders last week, and I began creating the cartoon drawing of myself being super super obese with the sexy nurses tending to me.

The cartoon depicts how enormously obese I hope to become someday.

Yeah! I'm a real greedy obese little glutton!

Hey! How do you like my extended clothing size chart!?!

Right now I have a 64 inch waist so in short pants I wear a size 6XL, but I would love someday to have a 264 inch waist and wear a size 56XL!!!

That would make me about 7 feet wide, and I'm only 5 feet 6 inches tall, so I would love to be wider than I'm tall!!!

Now that would be really cool!!!

Here in El Paso, we have The Grand China Buffet, The Hong Kong Buffet, The Home Town Buffet, and the Furr's All You Can Eat Buffet.

At the Home Town Buffet, that is where all the El Paso Fatsos hang out!

Some of them are so fat, their thighs so big they walk bull-legged, they waddle when they walk, huffing and puffing with beads of perspiration breaking out on their plump round faces, carrying plates stacked high with food back to their tables. They all look so helpless because they can just barely walk, but also, they all look so happy and contented as they sit down to eat, and eat, and eat, and become fatter, and fatter, and fatter!

I love eating there, and I feel right at home with all the other fatties.

We are truly the happiest people, in El Paso, helpless yes, but perfectly happy and contented.

Anyway, thank you very much.

I hope that you and Proud FA drop by more often.

I will be posting more fat pictures and more erotic fat stuff.

Once again, thank you.

Anonymous said...

FATTY at the FAT
The outlook isn't brilliant for Americans today;
Three quarters are fat or obese I am sad to say,
To doctors and weight loss gurus it's a money making game
All they offer fat folks is more and more of the silly same

A waddling herd goes to McDonalds. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in a deep fried chicken breast;
They thought, "If only miracle could get their metabolism out of whack
They'd money lots of money now, on an Atkins style quack."

But Atkins died a big fat pig, a charlatan and fake,
And Jenny Craig says it OK to eat a lot of cake;
So upon that stricken multitude of lemmings oh so fat;
Comes Dr Phil without a pill but a major bastard rat

Though Dr Phil paid huge fines to the FTC, his books
Get published by Slimon and Shyster another bunch of crooks
And when the lemmings read his books they continue to get fat,
I bet they need another book. Do you think it might be that?

400,000 American this year will see an early grave
Simply because when it comes to food they choose not to behave
They waddle to the doctor to get their insulin,
Fatty pays a fortune and loses while big pharma cashes in.

There is this sleaze in doctor's manner because he knows his place;
Is to bilk the patient's HMO and put a smile on his face.
And when, responding to the jeers, he says, "Your reaction is odd.
M. D. stands for Me deity, In other words, I'm God."

Now happily on statin drugs Fatty enjoys all food.
But don't be late with his dinner plat it may effect his mood.
He knows now that he's not too fat he's happy to report,
He tells the world he can't wipe his butt cause his arms are just to short.

Walking to the parking lot he'll wheez and gasp for air,
knowing that the paramedics can be quickly there.
Close by a Gold's Gym beckons to the healthy and the fit
"That ain't my style," said Fatty, "I'd rather eat and sit.

From the realm of reality came a sane and sober voice,
That said that being fat and sick really was a choice.
We are not made fat by our genes or the stress that comes with life
And it's OK to complain about your fat and lazy wife.

Perhaps this trend towards obesity could be a moral failing;
A symptom of a society that is weak and sick and ailing
Ask A fatty why he's fat and he will tell a lie
Ask him if he eats too much it's something he'll deny.

"Fraud!" cried the maddened voice, and echo answered "Fraud!"
But one scornful look from Fatty and the audience was awed.
"How dare anyone imply it is my fault", an angry Fatty roared!
"I eat because I'm hungry and I eat because I'm bored".

A sneer has fled from Fatty's lip, the teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his fork upon the dinner plate.
And now the waiter holds the tray and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Fatty's mighty blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Fatland — mighty Fatty's heart crapped out.

Teddy Bear said...

In response to Anonymous:

Well, I sort of liked the poem, and excellent satire of Casey At The Bat only it's FATTY At The FAT.

In your poem you said . . .

"He knows now that he's not too fat he's happy to report,
He tells the world he can't wipe his butt cause his arms are just too short."

Well actually, I don't say I can't wipe my butt because my arms are too short.

I can't wipe my butt because I have such a great big fat ass that I can't reach around back there, so I have to use a pair of tongs as a toilet paper holder.

So, it's not because of my arms being too short, but rather, my body being too big around.

Actually, for us happy greedy gluttons, there is no such thing as being too fat. The fatter the better as far as I'm concerned.

So, even if I can't reach around my great big body to wipe my own big fat ass, to me, that's still not too fat. In fact, it's not fat enough to satisfy me! I want more!

Then you go on to say . . .

"Ask A fatty why he's fat and he will tell a lie.
Ask him if he eats too much it's something he'll deny."

Wrong again!

I won't lie. First of all, there is no such thing as eating too much. If you're a happy glutton like me, the more food the better! So, I'm telling the truth. I eat as much as I want because I'm a greedy glutton. If I could eat a million calories every day, it is still not too much. I will never be enough. So, I stuff myself because I'm a greedy fat pig!

And then you say . . .

"How dare anyone imply it is my fault", an angry Fatty roared!
"I eat because I'm hungry and I eat because I'm bored".

Well, I do feel hungry all the time, but that is because my stomach is stretched out that it take more food to fill it up. Also, I eat, not because I'm sad, or angry, or bored. I eat because I love to eat, and when I'm in a happy mood, I eat even more!

So, I eat and eat and eat because I'm a greedy, lazy, obese little glutton who just loves to eat, and I love growing fatter and fatter.

Because the fatter I get, the bigger I become. I love being a great big fat person. I want to get really huge!

The fatter I get, the happier I am.

Anyway, neat poem, but I felt that I had to set you straight on a few things.

Big Lard Ass said...

Mmm, the Heart Attack Grill! That restaurant just seems to symbolize the New Fat Acceptance Movement perfectly!

Someone mentioned that they're doing franchises- maybe I should look into setting up one of my own with my life's savings!

I think that with the trend of rising obesity, morbid obesity, and super morbid obesity in the United States, it is only a matter of time before the Heart Attack Grill becomes the next McDonalds.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my fast food. I eat it pretty much daily, although this weekend I started experimenting in the kitchen a bit myself, making my own burgers, and they came out pretty good. And frankly, I'm a little worried about all of the trans-fats that I've been eating. I am completely willing to sacrifice years and years of my life so that I can eat what I want, but I want to make sure that I'm not making extra sacrifices when there are healthier foods I could be pigging out on that won't do as much long-term harm to my body.

I'm basically starting to look at it as- the fatter you are, the more you've really LIVED. Dr. Kervorkian said that he hates eating, and considers it just something that he has to do so that he will not die. That bewilders me. How could you not like to eat? That, to me, sounds like a serious issue. The human body craves nutrients in order to sustain itself. It is a natural and healthy thing, eating.

Now, I will be the first to admit that the healthiest thing about me is my appetite. My heart is fine for now, and I'm going in for a full physical with some heart monitors and whatnot as well, but I just want to make sure that everything is okay. I am an apple shaped obese man, and according to what I've read in The Biggest Fattest Blog, there's a good chance that a lot of near 500 lbs apple shaped males would die before 50. I am 48. And so, I worry that I will die soon. Its probably just irrational jitters, but it still worries me.

There have to be some apple shaped men who live to become old, right? I probably spend about $2,500 a year on fast food. I wonder how clogged up my arteries are? But it is better to have somewhat clogged up arteries than it would be to be completely miserable for my entire life up until now. Food has been my one constant companion, that never betrays me or breaks up with me or judges me.

I am really glad that there is a place like the Heart Attack Grill, that celebrates gluttony and all of its glory. I cannot live without greasy hamburgers with crisp fresh lettuce, raw onions, tomatoes, bacon, melted cheese, and some french fries dripping wet with grease that I stick under the bun, with everything absolutely slathered in ketchup.

Alright, that's it, I've got to make a Wendy's run. Thank goodness they're open late.

-Big Lard Ass

liliandragul said...

How can you be okay with being so huge you can't run around with your kids, or go hiking or camping or even shower or go to the lue comfortably? What kind of life could you possibly have if you can't move? And when the doctors have to care for you in the hospital because you are killing yourself? They will put you on extremely strict diets. Don't get me wrong, I love food and I'm not trying to bash anyone, just understand why you can't use moderation instead of all out gluttony?